I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize