I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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