He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
