No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im six kinds of drunk right now
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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