if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
