We won't sleep together?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
