I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
