I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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