there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
