someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
