Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
