I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize