Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
