I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
