There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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