I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
