I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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