May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
