The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
