he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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