last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
