i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize