I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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