.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
