Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
