She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
