No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
