I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
