Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
