dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize