dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
