I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
