omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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