I understand Curling. That high.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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