I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize