On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
