Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize