I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
