No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
