OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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