someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
