So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize