Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish i was in the wii world.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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