I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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