Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
should my penis look like a turkey
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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