yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
bring money and cleavage
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
