just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize