whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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