Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
