The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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