You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
