one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
