He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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