remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
