u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
