pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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