Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
