We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
