I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm both gender and math confused
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
