Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
