Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize