I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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