Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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