I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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