do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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