dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
