He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
