My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
