I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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