Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
