it was like his penis was on wheels.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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