I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
