Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
