38 yer olds are good kisserssss
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just invented taco cereal.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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