??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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