The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
