i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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