yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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