i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
