I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize