Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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