just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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