spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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