when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
