OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
