wrigley field is MILF paradise
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
