just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
