The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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