I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
