she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
