I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
