Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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