Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize