Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize