He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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