Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
