He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
In America we eat man semen.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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