I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
